Islamic parenting is often summarised by the word tarbiyah — nurturing and raising a child in faith and good character over time, not a single conversation or a fixed checklist. The Qur’an frames this as a real responsibility, not a background hope: “O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire” (66:6) — understood by scholars to include actively teaching and guiding one’s children, not only providing for them materially.
Gentleness as the Starting Point
The Prophet is reported to have shown open affection to children, including kissing his grandson Al-Hasan in front of others, and responding to a man who said he had never kissed any of his own children by saying: “Whoever is not merciful to others, will not be treated mercifully” (Sahih al-Bukhari, 6013). Warmth and physical affection toward children are part of the Prophetic example, not something to be trained out of a parent as unnecessary softness.
Age-Appropriate Guidance
A hadith gives a specific, widely cited age framework for one core practice, salah: “Command your children to pray when they become seven years old, and [discipline] them for it when they become ten years old” (Sunan Abi Dawud, 495, graded hasan sahih by al-Albani). This is usually read by scholars as establishing a general principle — gentle instruction and habit-forming well before an age of religious obligation, moving toward firmer expectation as a child gets older — rather than a rigid script to apply identically to every child.
On the disciplinary element specifically: mainstream contemporary scholarly guidance treats this as a genuinely restricted last resort, not a general parenting method — non-injurious, never to the face, never out of anger, and only after other approaches (explanation, encouragement, natural consequences, withdrawing a privilege) have been tried and age and temperament have been taken into account. Many contemporary scholars and Islamic parenting resources actively discourage physical discipline as a first or primary tool, consistent with the same tradition’s much larger and more frequently repeated emphasis on gentleness. This is an area where a parent uncertain how to apply the general principle to their own child should look for guidance from a qualified, contemporary source rather than a single hadith read in isolation.
Educating in Faith and Character
Teaching faith and character to children works best modelled consistently rather than only explained — children absorb far more from what they observe a parent actually doing (how disagreements are handled, whether prayer is kept up, how others are spoken about) than from instruction alone. The Akhlaq framework on this site — justice, truthfulness, mercy and patience — is as much a guide for what to model as a parent as it is a standalone lesson.
Where to Go From Here
For practical activities, routines and age-appropriate resources to use with children day to day, see Raising Children. For the Kids activity library itself, see Kids. For guidance on the marriage this parenting takes place within, see Marriage.